Love & Expectations

Sometimes, I wonder what the wive's, of great leaders, expections are going into the marriage. Are they prepared for the lonely nights and all the publicity. Do they understand what they will be sacrificing on a daily basis?

What are your expectations when entering a relationship? What meaning does the word "love" hold for you when you are either saying it or when it is being said to you?

The infamous love chapter in the Bible states,  "Love is patient,  love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

"Love never fails."-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Basically, what can be derived from these passages, is that love is an outward (selfless) force and not an inward (selfish) one. When we choose to love someone, is it fair to place any expectation on him or her? Is it really love when we do that? And aren't the vows that are spoken during a marriage ceremony expectations? And what about my companionship needs regarding the emotional, mental, and physical aspect, how will they get met?

The original New Testament was written in Greek. When the word 'love' is translated, it appears agape in the original text. According to renowned Author C.S. Lewis and his book "The Four Loves", agape love is the love that sustains and lavishes itself  upon a relationship regardless of the circumstance. He recognizes this love as the highest form.

Abigail Adams was the first wife of President John Adams. She was known for her outspokenness on the subjects of women's education and property rights along with her extensive letters to husband during the Revolutionary War and his stay in Philadelphia with the Continental Congress.

She is quoted as saying "How difficult the task to quench the fire and the pride of private ambition, and to sacrifice ourselves and all our hopes and expectations to the public weal! How few have souls capable of so noble an undertaking! How often are the laurels worn by those who have had no share in earning them! But there is a future recompense of reward, to which the upright man looks, and which he will most assuredly obtain, provided he perseveres unto the end."

I admire her for saying this, because not only would she understand the sacrifice of her own "private ambition", and how she might lose him in the war, but she also knew that he was sacrificing his own life for our future and the independance and betterment of this great nation.

Perhaps we don't consider the selflessness of our founding fathers and their wives enough. Thank you to all the brave leaders and men and women who have fought so that I may freely write this post! I feel deeply grateful and deeply loved.

                                                     Abigail Adams


*Next week, I will go more indepth on the four loves and probably expound on agape love.

The Language of Love Part 4 & *5

Test...paper...project, test...paper...project...Does test beat project? That's right kids it's finals week and I don't know which assignment to tackel first. As an added bonus, for the past three weeks, I've been battling the worst case of bronchitus to date.  And to top things off, it looks like the clutter monster just threw up in my room.

I honestly don't know why I ever complain about not having enough clothes. Right now, I'm wishing I had adopted the minimalist mentality. I'd give anything to have just one clean pair of unmentionables and a maid.

"By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her.", says Dr. Chapman. He goes on to say, "They require thought, planning, time effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love."

In the back of the book, there is a quiz that each guy and girl can take to find out which love language they speak. Last weekend, I was over at my grandpa and grandmas' house and decided to give them the quiz. After my grandmother took the quiz, it was obvious that her love language was acts of service. "I just need help...", she laughingly says while sitting next to grandpa.

Now grandpa's love language is physical touch, but after 63 years of marriage, he has learned to speak hers. "He carries my boxes for me without me having to ask him", she says in reference to the various antique displays she sets up at different museums.

When asked whether she reciprocates the acts of service, she responded by saying, "Oh Yes! I wash his hair and his feet."

It takes time to learn a loved one's love language, but don't be afraid to learn from mistakes and ask probing questions like, "Do you feel loved when I..."

                                    1950's- Grandma washing Grandpa's hair



* Some may think it is a cop-out, not to write about the love language of gifts, but honestly I have sought after a suitable subject, and have come to the conclusion that either this language doesn't exist, or that people are afraid that they may look materialistic and don't answer the questions to the quiz honestly. If you think you may be a "gifts" person, email me and I would love to interview you. For now, I am moving on to more pressing material. Thanks for reading.