Labor and Delivery

There are many ways I can be made to feel loved, but one of the ways I feel loved, is when I hear three special words in a sincere tone of voice: "I am sorry." Growing up under a "Christian" roof, one would think that forgiveness and apologies were as common as skinny jeans on a hipster.

I am sorry to say, that that did not happen. I was as much to blame as everyone else. I don't remember ever giving or receiving an apology in those days, or seeing anyone else receive one. The way my family chose to deal with conflict was to wait it out. Each party would go to bed angry and wait a couple of days til the storm blew over. Is this too personal? I digress.
 
A year ago my younger sister Katie, allowed me to witness and video the birth of her second daughter Selah. The labor was long, and at times, I thought, too intense. In the end, through all the pain, tears, blood, and screaming, a beautiful baby girl was born. A range of emotions were experienced that day, but none compared to the overwhelming love we experienced once she was safely here. Every negative event that was experienced, was insignificant in comparison to that moment.

Fast Forward.
  
The inspiration for this blog was conceived from a particular negative incident that happened while I was on vacation in L.A. I was visiting my older sister Sarah, and we were having a sharp disagreement over the itinerary for that afternoon. I wanted to relax in the hot tub and I can't even remember what she wanted to do. After a short exchange, she made a derogatory comment about my activity choice. This cut deep, but then she apologized soon after.

I was stunned.

Instead of filing the incident away in the usual grudge x infinity files, I decided to deposit it into the love bank.  Like the relief that is achieved when a button pops because you've eaten too much, was the liberation I received from the breach in that steep wall of pride I tried to support. I now felt the freedom to say I was sorry as well.  Healing was allowed to enter. I could not have felt more loved that day, if my sister had purchased all of my meals and activities. Our relationship still has alot of maturing to do, but that moment is indelibly imprinted on my heart.
  
I labored over the idea of whether to create this blog or to do something a little "safer" and less expository. I may do that eventually, but my heart is here for now. I don't expect this to always be hard or always easy. I would like to say, that I have no expectations at all. But as there are pains and joys in labor and delivery, so I expect to experience them here. I expect to laugh, cry, and hopefully grow through this experience.

                                                                  Selah